Friday, January 8, 2010


R. treats me incredibly well.

So did Major Dentist. So did E. So did LTExB. (That's the three of my longest boyfriends.)

So did Nick. He was the only one I didn't sleep with.

I'm holding out. I want this to go well. I want him to like me and not just the sex. Is that what happened with the other three? Well, I know for certain it did with one of them. (One was crazy, the third abusive.)

And then there's the part of me that says, hey, why bother with this guy, it won't work. He'll be abusive. He'll treat you like crap. He'll have an addiction to something. He'll die.

Just when I think I'm in an okay place, I take a step back. Or two steps.

I don't want to screw this up, but I don't know how to do it right.


  1. Don't let your past relationships ruin what you could have with R. I know that it is hard not to think about all that has happened but you never know...maybe *someone* sent him your way because you deserve happiness! I had a really hard time when I met my husband. I was just out for a good time (ok whoring around) but there was something about him that kept me hooked. He even had a child on the way with someone else. That was very hard on me but I just kept thinking about of all of the good things and let things happen. Now we have been married for 5 and a half years and we couldn't be happier. Of course we don't have a perfect marriage, but no one does. The time will come for you too. Just don't let your past interfere with what could be your future.

  2. thank you for your words of encouragement :) I feel like after all the crap I've been through, and my whoring around phase, I'm actually in a good spot... life is finally starting to look up, and perhaps he came just at the right time...